COLLECTION: Bargain-hunting in Sin City

The thing about Las Vegas is, once you’ve lost all your money at the tables—and believe me I did—the next move is searching for the best bang for your entertainment buck. Luckily the city has some of the most affordable fun on earth.



A mere $10.95 buys your way into the buffet at The Hotel California. Mystery Meat, pickles, shumai, shrimp, humus and pita, home fries and cornbread all on one plate. Jokes about "being able to check in but not out" included.



Of course laying by the pool doesn’t cost anything…



I highly recommend the rides at the Stratosphere built by my former pen-pal and one of my favorite people on earth, Bob Stupak. If you’re reading this, I love you Bob. I also love this picture. We’ve hardly gotten off the ground but Erin is scrunched into a little ball while I’m screaming expletives uncontrollably... but look at the other two guys—calm as cucumbers.



Enjoy the world’s largest TV, “The Viva Vision”, on Fremont Street.



And nothing makes a man feel better than a really big drink. Do yourself a favor and go to a place called the Peppermill. You can’t buy a smile like that.



But perhaps the best deal in the town is the ¾ lb Mega-Dog, conveniently located at the snack-bar next to the Slots-a-Fun. Just what is a Mega-Dog you ask?



Glad you asked… as far as I can tell, a Mega-Dog is 15 spicy-inches of fun. Just how long is that exactly? Lets just say, “double-ended lesbian-long” and leave it at that.



I got two.



Polishing off the first…



…left me with one lonely Mega-Dog and little to no room in my tum. Not wanting to waste food…





I decided to slap it against my face. Rarely can you buy this kind of highbrow comedy for just a $1.49.



Fuck, it broke.



But as I picked the pieces off the floor, I had an epiphany.



Yes, picking hot-dog bits off a nasty floor is nearly vomit inducing, but more importantly…



…starting with 15-inches means you can eat an inch-or-two. Lose a few inches to floor.



Shove a couple inches in your pants.



And still have enough let over to fill your pockets for later. Awesome.

COLLECTION: Swimsuit

Like I said, I went to Vegas to watch Erin play at the World Series of Poker. More on that later.

Anyway, it was unclear however just how long I’d be staying in Sin City, so I packed… and packed… and packed some more. The gear for the web-site alone—two cameras, my laptop, some hard-drives, a ring-flash, extra-batteries, etc.—took up half a bag. Then there were the clothes for formal events, parties, lunches, press-events… luckily I wear pretty much the same thing no matter where I’m going, but still it was a load, especially when you consider I once went to South Africa for two weeks with nothing but an overnight bag. The thing is, in my attempt to pack everything I’d want, I forgot anything I’d need. Sure I had two sweaters and a sweatshirt, but I only had two pair of socks.

Thus, when Erin said “Suit-up, lets go to the pool” I realized just how badly I’d miscalculated.
“Er, um, I don’t think I brought a bathing suit. I brought a thong for comedy, but other than that the only suit I brought is Paul Smith.”

I smiled sheepishly.
Erin grabbed the camera.
And we both knew what time it was.
And so, without further ado, I give you THE SWIMSUIT.



Check out how big I can make my hair. I’m like a Troll Doll. Fun, right?


Anyway, here’s the suit.


And here’s the suit by the pool. The rest is pretty much self-explanatory.
























At least the hair’s a bit tamer.




I don’t know why I DeNiro.






























It was right about then that I was asked to leave… oh well.









Dress Suit by Paul Smith—$500.
Room at the Mirage—$165.
Being asked to leave the pool for wearing too much? Priceless.

Let’s just call this a warm-up though. Tomorrow should be a fun one.