COLLECTION: Stuffin’ the Stuffin’

I told my friend Eisa that I wanted to take some dirty pictures. She told me she made puppets. I don’t think she understood what I wanted. But the following series came out of that confusion. I know it’s hard to follow the story without seeing all 250 shots, but do your best…







Not bad, right? Not only will I be doing this again… and again… and again… Eisa says she’ll be building a Puppet Porn web site in the next few weeks. I keep you posted.


PS: DON’T FORGET TO BOOKMARK THIS PAGE AS I WILL BE REMOVING THE LINK FROM JAKEBRONSTEIN.COM IN JUST A FEW DAYS.

STORY: Guns and Strangers

So I was walking through the snow on Sunday on my way to party at American Apparel… I was in the midst of thinking how much I love New York—it’s not grimy like Philly (where I’ve been shot at) or lame LA (where I was nearly bored to death)—when all of the sudden some guy steps out of a doorway, pulls out a gun and tells me to give him all my money. So I did: Three crumpled dollars mixed in with a handful of receipts.
“What’s this?” He asked.
“All my money.”
“That’s all your money?”
“Yeah…” I said sheepishly. “I think you’re in the wrong neighborhood.” I mean, come on this is the Lower East Side.
“Alright, give up your watch and your jewelry,” again, this guy watched way too much MTV. My jewelry, come on. And a watch? My cell phone tell the time.
You could see the disappointment on his face. All the adrenalin, all the drama and so far all he’d earned was two slices of pizza. No drink.

Finally I gave him my wallet. Contents: 1 ATM card—no money—1 maxed out credit card and two drivers license (one from LA and one from PA). He told me to walk away the way I’d come, but after about four steps I decided I really didn’t want to give him my wallet. It’d be of no use to him anyway. But when I turned around he was gone. Vanished. It was then that I realized I was either stuck-up by superman, or this guy had just gone back into the doorway he was hanging out in. He probably lived there. When the police finally arrived, they asked if I saw which way he fled.

“Yeah, I think he lives right here.”
“So you didn’t see which way he went?”
“Again, I think he lives right here.”
Instead of ringing the bell, they drove me around the neighborhood to see if I could spot him. Obviously, solving this caper would mean taking matters into my own hands, so I got up bright and early and posted the following sign in his doorway. So far, no leads though… Oh well.


UPDATE: I JUST GOT A CALL... THEY ACTUALLY HAVE MY WALLET. I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. And in other news this picture seems to have made me famous. Not only have friends I haven’t talked to in forever been calling... but check out curbed.com (or at http://flickr.com/photos/tangentialism/5224468/). I never even heard of the site, but they seem to have nothing but nice things to say.


PS: DON’T FORGET TO BOOKMARK THIS PAGE AS I WILL BE REMOVING THE LINK IN JUST A FEW DAYS.

NEWS: Changes, strangers and guns (BOOKMARK THIS PAGE!)

Sorry, we interrupt your regularly scheduled posts (and I’ve got some sick ones coming up) to bring you the following…

It seems me and my father don’t see eye to eye on all things. Sure he’s a super cool artist. And sure, we’re more friends than anything. And yes, it didn’t bother him the time I wore a thong on TV, or a nude-suit at Christmas. But it seems posting pictures of my penis is crossing the line. The man is an artist—I though he of all people would understand—but the email he sent me while I was in Europe is a dousie. There were paragraphs on the when-where-why-and-how of touching myself and the possible legal ramifications of posting pictures of streetwalkers in compromising positions. I couldn’t disagree more.

But he did make one point: It’s probably not the best idea professionally to have that stuff on the web site I show art directors I want to work for. To that end, in exactly 10 days the “Blog” button on JakeBronstein.com will be disappearing. Not the blog itself, just the button. If you’d like to check in on the blog, and I hope you will, you’ll have to bookmark jakebronstein.com/5/toomuchinfo.html now. I repeat: TO SEE MY BLOG, STARTING 10 DAYS FROM NOW, YOU”LL HAVE TO PUT THE ADRESS JAKEBONSTEIN.COM/5/TOOMUCHINFO.HTML INTO YOUR BROWSER, OR BOOKMARK IT NOW—THERE WILL NO LONGER BE A LINK. That’s right, the blog will now be our little secret. On the bright side, once the two are separate, I can post without fear of repercussions. Stay tuned; it only gets better from here.

Ahh, I’ll save the strangers with guns bit for tomorrow, pending the investigation…. Also, the MTV post I promised last time is still on the way, but as it’s super-retarded-off-the-chain-out-of-line I’ve decided to hold off until the switchover.