COLLECTION: Clean by Any Means

To quote Motely Crue’s The Dirt, “It didn’t go a little something like this—it went exactly like this.”

I was trying to “summer-ize” my apartment: Get the heaters out, put the air-conditioners in, you know the drill…


The only problem is, over the winter, I’d sealed-up one of my windows completely…


After an hour of chipping away at the crap, I still couldn’t get the fucker open…


To make matters worse, when I got in the shower to get cleaned up, the water was out. (yup, one of the many joys of true Chinatown-loft living—that and the drafty windows and constant spitting on the street outside my home)

Hum, what now?

Er, I guess I could…

Um, maybe I should…

What if I…

Really, this is for real. I stood there long enough I felt the need to get my camera and document the moment.


Long enough to start thinking crazy thoughts…


Meet my crazy thoughts:



































Alright, I know what you’re thinking: How can you get clean—like that full-on, deep down, every-inch-is-clean, clean with a bathing suit on? You can’t. Don’t get me wrong; I handed by biz, but in lieu of the recent attention the blog’s been getting I think it’s probably best to keep some of my more private bits, er, private.


All done.


Yup, I was pretty pleased with myself until the next day when I spotted this gem in Washington Square Park.


Can anyone say bidet? Don’t test me people, I’ve got the free time…

PS—A special thanks to the lovely Ms Ness who was kind eneugh to hold the camera.