COLLECTION: Number 2 of 5
WARNING: This one’s long and gross. It’s full of wiener but not what you think. ALSO, THESE PICTURES WERE TAKEN OF ME, NOT BY ME… but I think I’m done doing that for a little while. You'll see.
Nothing brings me down quite like bad weather. And yesterday it was coming down hard.
I tried walking it off… that didn’t help anything.
Anyway, revelation number two is this: WHEN I GET DEPRESSED, I EAT. I know, it’s not nearly as exciting as some of the stuff you guys posted last time around, but what can I say?
Anyway, I went for a dog.
Made me feel a little better. So I went for another.
$2 hot dogs? What is this world coming to…
Not bad… I’m sure I could do a third.
How’s about a fourth?
I was going to stop there, but as I walked by this cart, I heard the guy say, “$1.50.”
I knew those other spots overcharged.
Now I had to know what fair price for a midtown hot dog is.
A buck fifty? I’ll do that.
Something crunched.
Gross.
See anything?
Time to switch gears.
Now just pretend the crunch had come from the nuts, and… yup…
…we’re good for a 7th.
And that’s when it happened.
My stomach started to turn.
Just breath.
Before we go any further, I’d like to thank Erin Ness for once again taking such nice pictures. As a matter of fact, taking pictures this time was her idea completely. Good work Erin.
Of course, they don’t call her Erin “missed the shot” Ness for nothing. Check this out, I’ve started retching. Clearly something’s going to happen.
But she missed it. Oh well. At least I’ve made space for 8.
Maybe I spoke too soon.
Back to the Conde Naste building. Time for Erin to redeem herself.
Kinda missed it again.
Feeling better?
Guess not.
But she missed it again.
I didn’t though (sorry, I had to).
Rinse the mouth and we’re good to go again. It’s like I’m a sorority girl.
In all seriousness, I was starting to feel better too, until I looked at the camera and realized she’d missed the moment of impact again. I was in the middle of thinking who might want to take pictures next time around, when I noticed something else. Something that made me happy. Remember the guy who sold me the last dog?
That guy was multi-tasking…
…and Erin caught that clear as day. How cool is that?
On a more serious note; maybe it’s just that I’m down, but I feel like today’s post is somehow lacking and especially after everyone took the time to leave such awesomely bizarre comments last time around.
Check back tomorrow and I’ll have something new up, promise.
Oh, and don’t be turned off by dirty water dogs. It’s not their fault I don’t know when to say when. It’s just the way I’m wired.
Nothing brings me down quite like bad weather. And yesterday it was coming down hard.
I tried walking it off… that didn’t help anything.
Anyway, revelation number two is this: WHEN I GET DEPRESSED, I EAT. I know, it’s not nearly as exciting as some of the stuff you guys posted last time around, but what can I say?
Anyway, I went for a dog.
Made me feel a little better. So I went for another.
$2 hot dogs? What is this world coming to…
Not bad… I’m sure I could do a third.
How’s about a fourth?
I was going to stop there, but as I walked by this cart, I heard the guy say, “$1.50.”
I knew those other spots overcharged.
Now I had to know what fair price for a midtown hot dog is.
A buck fifty? I’ll do that.
Something crunched.
Gross.
See anything?
Time to switch gears.
Now just pretend the crunch had come from the nuts, and… yup…
…we’re good for a 7th.
And that’s when it happened.
My stomach started to turn.
Just breath.
Before we go any further, I’d like to thank Erin Ness for once again taking such nice pictures. As a matter of fact, taking pictures this time was her idea completely. Good work Erin.
Of course, they don’t call her Erin “missed the shot” Ness for nothing. Check this out, I’ve started retching. Clearly something’s going to happen.
But she missed it. Oh well. At least I’ve made space for 8.
Maybe I spoke too soon.
Back to the Conde Naste building. Time for Erin to redeem herself.
Kinda missed it again.
Feeling better?
Guess not.
But she missed it again.
I didn’t though (sorry, I had to).
Rinse the mouth and we’re good to go again. It’s like I’m a sorority girl.
In all seriousness, I was starting to feel better too, until I looked at the camera and realized she’d missed the moment of impact again. I was in the middle of thinking who might want to take pictures next time around, when I noticed something else. Something that made me happy. Remember the guy who sold me the last dog?
That guy was multi-tasking…
…and Erin caught that clear as day. How cool is that?
On a more serious note; maybe it’s just that I’m down, but I feel like today’s post is somehow lacking and especially after everyone took the time to leave such awesomely bizarre comments last time around.
Check back tomorrow and I’ll have something new up, promise.
Oh, and don’t be turned off by dirty water dogs. It’s not their fault I don’t know when to say when. It’s just the way I’m wired.
posted by Jakehimself at 10:00 AM
22 Comments:
Well, I was about to go to lunch, but I've changed my mind. Maybe later, when those images aren't seared into my brain.
Hey, that's a great way to keep your weight down! It's my favorite weight loss trick, eat as much weiners as you want and not pay for it later. Speaking of which I had a big lunch, better go make room for dinner.
ok that was awesome, but gross. i guess you just have know your limit is six, and not go for the seventh one next time. i dont' think this was lacking although i am glad i didn't eat before checking in.
I think someone misses those reality tv cameras...
As a vegetarian, the idea of hotdogs was enough to turn my stomach, but then you just HAD to take it up a notch!! ;)
~Carla
I may spell my own name wrong but I am the NEW ladies man.
Mmm ... what a delicious post.
jake man. got a few things to say.
a. your posts are never lacking. youre kickass!
b. shouldve gone to either 37th and 8th or 71st and bway for the best dogs in nyc - grays papaya. and you know you wouldve gotten a better deal there too: 2 dogs and a drink for $2!
c. erins been doing a good job with the pics. oy but the one of your stuff in the trash was just nauseating. i love it!
d. dirty water dogs arent kosher. but grays papaya arent either. where are the hebrew national stands when you need them?
e. even though colin cant spell his name, his site is pretty cool too. he may be the new ladies man but jake, you can be mine ;)
That was fucking revolting.
It looked like you were spewing blood.
Until we were treated to the money shot of your retch in the garbage.
Jake, if you want a new photographer, I'd happily try my hand at it.
And while we're on the subject, if you need an intern, I'd happily come daily. If you need release, I'd happily let you rub it between my breasts. If you needed food, I'd happily feed you. And if you needed money... um, maybe we could work something out.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
NAS-TEE to the core. Suffering for your art is an art in and of itself. You are a fucking virtuoso on that level alone.
So...dirty little scret #2. I made out with a porn star on the dancefloor of a club here in L.A. to the tune of "Love To Love You, Baby."
rock on. had to wait too long for this one....
what cam do you use? leave a comment on my blog an tell me. thx dude!
rock on. seriously!
Maybe I'm thick, but this one seems a bit harder to follow than some. I think it's the spacing with the pictures and comments. Anyway, if we're still posting confessions, I didn't get a chance to post mine before...
The first time I masturbated I rubbed a pencil against my girl parts. The rough metal felt good. From what I understand that's perfectly natural for a young girl to do. What's not natural is that 15 years later or so, I've begun reverting back to the pencil again. At my desk. Obviously, I've never done it to completion at work, but it's only a matter of time.
Jack:
I am so in love with you, everything you do, and your hirsute ass and knuckles. If only you were in L.A. and heteroflexable...
Ruben
Your post WAS lacking. Stop complaining about the missed pictures and missed opportunities. It's just NOT funny.
thought-provoking money shot.
don't give him shit for complaining about losing money shots. maybe it matters to him as a photographer. chill out.
I'm sure I'd be horrified by that display if it weren't for my friend Ryan, who bet me he could eat not only an entire 6-pack of Cinnabons, but 8 hotdogs on a stick on top of that.
I will always carry the image of Ryan puking violently in my heart, if nowhere else. but I can sorta squint at your photos and pretend it's him. I bet you get that a lot.
haha that was the most disturbing thing i've seen on the internet for some time.. but why do i now feel like eating a hotdog?
anonymous: i'm not giving him shit for anything. and only ugly people tell strangers to chill out.
Three. More than three makes me unhappy. I know this, and I am a person whose stomach and mouth are not well connected. I frequently eat too much. Three. I DO know that. Only three...and those are fat free. With the regular ones, my limit is one...half.
It is important not to overeat too much. It'll kill you eventually, even if you are depressed. Stick to the edamame and lettuce salads. green food promotes less IBS and a springy step, once you get used to it.
Do I take my own advice? No.
Three.
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