STORY: Two for the Price of One
Yeah, I been kinda busy, stressed, running in circles, getting nothing accomplished… but I wanted to put something new up today. So in place of a proper post I’m gonna give you like the Cliff’s Notes version to what’s on my mind.
FIRST UP—Getting Our Lines Crossed
I’d totally forgotten about this until the other day when I asked Brian to send me the shower dance pictures and he threw in a little something extra for good measure. Basically, while we were in Finland I noticed a disturbing trend. Every third person in the whole country seemed to have a lazy eye. You never know who they’re talking to. It’s unnerving.
The only thing more disturbing than my wholly unscientific revelation was that I felt the need to share it with this lovely Finish girl I was drinking with. She gave me a funny look, and I was all, “No, no, no, not you sexy, you’re beautiful… just everyone else…” you know, like your sister, mom, dad, everyone you’ve ever known—smooth. I don’t know where I was going with that or what made me say anything in the first place. Needless to say, she got up and our evening together was over… but check out who sat down in her seat.
His name is Walter. He’s not really lazy eyed (I don't think), but he thought I was throwing gang signs, so he got in on the action. AWESOME.
NEXT—Fishy Felatio
I was on a shoot yesterday and one of the props the stylist brought was a blowfish. I made him blow me. The fish, not the stylist. Blown by a blowfish! Get it?
I guess it was more symbolic than anything… just my little FUCK YOU to anyone who emailed nasty messages to my personal account over the past few days. Post anything you like—doesn’t faze me one bit—but keep it out of my personal in-box. On a brighter note, my first few days with DangerFish had me stressed, but I’ve since fallen in love. He even kind of looks like me. Really, check out the eyes… today we’re buying him a bigger home, a pump, the works. He’ll be living better than be in a few minutes.
Now for the teaser: I know I didnt put much effort into this, but stay tuned;in the next 48 hours we’ll be brining out the gold suit AKA Nudie McSparklePants. Anyone care to guess what that means? Wish me luck.
FIRST UP—Getting Our Lines Crossed
I’d totally forgotten about this until the other day when I asked Brian to send me the shower dance pictures and he threw in a little something extra for good measure. Basically, while we were in Finland I noticed a disturbing trend. Every third person in the whole country seemed to have a lazy eye. You never know who they’re talking to. It’s unnerving.
The only thing more disturbing than my wholly unscientific revelation was that I felt the need to share it with this lovely Finish girl I was drinking with. She gave me a funny look, and I was all, “No, no, no, not you sexy, you’re beautiful… just everyone else…” you know, like your sister, mom, dad, everyone you’ve ever known—smooth. I don’t know where I was going with that or what made me say anything in the first place. Needless to say, she got up and our evening together was over… but check out who sat down in her seat.
His name is Walter. He’s not really lazy eyed (I don't think), but he thought I was throwing gang signs, so he got in on the action. AWESOME.
NEXT—Fishy Felatio
I was on a shoot yesterday and one of the props the stylist brought was a blowfish. I made him blow me. The fish, not the stylist. Blown by a blowfish! Get it?
I guess it was more symbolic than anything… just my little FUCK YOU to anyone who emailed nasty messages to my personal account over the past few days. Post anything you like—doesn’t faze me one bit—but keep it out of my personal in-box. On a brighter note, my first few days with DangerFish had me stressed, but I’ve since fallen in love. He even kind of looks like me. Really, check out the eyes… today we’re buying him a bigger home, a pump, the works. He’ll be living better than be in a few minutes.
Now for the teaser: I know I didnt put much effort into this, but stay tuned;in the next 48 hours we’ll be brining out the gold suit AKA Nudie McSparklePants. Anyone care to guess what that means? Wish me luck.
posted by Jakehimself at 1:23 PM
18 Comments:
Nudie McSparklepants? Jesus, I just might have to stay awake for the next few days until you post that, just to be the first to see whatever that means. All I know is that in my book, nude + sparkle = fantastic!
Love the blog, by the way, and not just for the nudie stuff. I never watched you on that year of RR, but I guess I should have.
xo R
Jake, Your amazing. Nothing like hearing about crooked eyes and blow fish who really blow..luv it.
PS-Lemme know where those smucks writing you nasty emails reside and I'll kick their ass..
keep em comin'!!!
PSS-The time is messed up on your blog- it's really 9:06 pm!
I want to blow you.
How about a naked photo of you with the fish blowing you? I mean, who gets a blowjob from a fish and leaves their clothes on?
Been reading the past few days.... some funny stuff man. I love how you use pictures to illustrate ideas. If there's too many words on a black page I probably won't read them.
That said:
Keep up the good work.
None of your posts are uninteresting or bland. You always start off saying how bad things are.... but someone you manage to totally change the tone in the article....nice work.
Who in the right mind would write you a nasty email?
Here is something you need to know. There are different "levels" of the lazy eye.
Level 1: Wandering Eye - when you speak to someone and aren't quite sure if their eye is wandering because it magically seems to snap back to it's rightful place when you try to concentrate on watching it.
Level 2: Lazy Eye - this person's eye definitely wanders but usually only after the person consumes at least 4+ beers, or cums.
Level 3: Googly Eye - no denying it, this person can see someone coming from the East while facing North. Usually found on English (and in your case, Finnish) people and 'tards.
I admire Trish's defense of you, but the word is 'schmucks', not 'smucks'. That makes it sound like a strawberry jam.
Seriously, you have an unnatural obsession with fish.
OMG honey!! The blowfish blowing you?? That's too funny.
You totally made my day.
I can't stop laughing...
Jake, you are one crazy cat! I love your blog. It is the blog of all all blogs in my oppinion.
The writing is great and best of all humerous. The pictures are a delight and a great addition. The nudity a definite plus but something I think should come naturallly and not just because you have accumulated a fan base dying for more pictures of your nekkid bawdy.
Anyways I check the site every day to see what youll suprise us with next and my co-workers keep wondering how my computer screen could be so damn funny!!
you're hilarious, i've linked you!
Im a little more than sad that the new fish is not ALSO named Corinne.
What I want to know is how Anonymous plans to blow you if Anonymous is anonymous.
all my girlfriends are dying to know if you are single.
well? are you?
Finishing the hat- I love 'smucks' strawberry jam, how'd you guess?
Thanks for the heads up.
that is hilarious, i know a person with a lazy eye but her eye kind of twitches and only opens half way or not opens at all. i guess it's the fourth version of the three that the person before me posted aka "the WTF eye" specially since you like to use that in every other sentence. lol well i love the blog and i'm a guy and by the way i'm not gay so maybe slow down on the nudity WTF :)
Eye candy, quite the storyteller, infectious Karma,...what more could you want in a guy?
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