Tuesday, April 19, 2005

COLLECTION: I Got Balls

Sorry, I didn’t do much web-work over the weekend. Something came up. Something cool. Something I might care to share once the sting wears off. In the meantime though, I thought I’d give you as close to a real-time update as I’ll probably ever do….




I got something of a late start this morning… in fact, I probably wouldn’t have gotten out of bed at all if the doorbell hadn’t rung.


Time check: 10.28. Like I said, a late start. Normally I get up around 7 (much like AXL in Mr. Brownstone).


Temp check: 65 degrees. Beautiful sunny day. According to weather.com it’s supposed to go up into the 70s again.


Anyway, it was UPS at the door. We have a little deal where I don’t have to sign for every package—they just ring. I like it better this way. It feels more like a surprise.


Except today I knew exactly what it was.


I’ll give you the back-story while I open it up. Zoiks, I’m still hung over. But back to the story: Last week Denver got hit with a storm. A blizzard actually. Meanwhile, New York looked like summer all of the sudden.


So I came up with an idea. I called the tourism board there and spoke to a lovely woman named Kelly. (Incidentally, as luck would have it, Kelly’s seen my site, but waiting until our conversation was done to admit she’d seen me naked. Hi Kelly.) Kelly told me the snow there had melted already…


…but she put me in touch with the good people at Steamboat Springs Ski Resort. And, though they said it was something of a strange request…


…they were kind enough to ship me snowballs!


Four to be exact.


That’s right, it’s 65 degrees—t-shirt weather—and I’m armed and dangerous. Snowballs. How cool is that?


And they shipped it with dry ice (in the bag, I was too scared to touch it, but I’m sure this too will provide countless hours of joy).


The way I see it, this makes me the most powerful man in Manhattan. Watch the fuck out people.


So who’s going to get it? I’m not going to lie, I haven’t decided just yet. It could be an ex-girlfriend, a meter-maid (or meter-man, I’ve got nothing against the ladies per say, though I don’t know why I have a thing again any of them—I don’t even have a car), a former employer, who knows. Stay tuned. All I know for sure is today’s going to be a good day…





PS—As far as asking for web help, I didn't really expect the response I got. All I wanted was the for the “links” button on the blog to go away and the “archives” buttons up and running (50% ain’t bad, but you've still got to click through old posts to go back to the beginning—that kind of sucks). That said, maybe later in the week I'll put up some of the mock-ups people sent (assuming everyone's cool with that).

19 Comments:

Blogger Lara said...

FANTASTIC! How fun! Be sure to document the snowball usage in all it's glory.

...Did anyone else think "human heart" when they saw the cooler?...

Apparently I watch too much E.R.

AMG

10:15 AM  
Blogger teresa said...

You shouldv'e just dropped me a line as most of my co-workers were stuck in the crew room during that snow storm unable to work. They would have loved the special job of getting you snowballs.

I however was sitting home in P-town in the lovely rain.

You have the funniest blog in NYC if not the known world.

10:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you should pee on them and then throw them, that would be all the much better.

1:25 PM  
Blogger ginger said...

I was definitely thinking heart transplant or something.

1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://imageserver.homeearth.com/product_images/0810906244.jpg

3:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your balls, I like any balls really. If you take my picture I'll tell you how much.

3:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, I really like the style of this blog. Very minimalist, easy to read; the simple background makes the pics/colors stand out more. Don't change a thing.

5:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Since the tourism lady was kind of enough to send you balls, you could have a least shown yours too. She said she wanted nudity. I do too!

5:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Snow buisness like yo buisness. You've got me entertained.

6:04 PM  
Blogger Jay Six said...

Hands down, Jake, you've got the funniest blog I regularly read. These photo essays are sheer genius. I don't mind seeing you naked, but it's not what keeps me coming back. It's laughing out loud inappropriately because I've just recalled some crazy ass stunt you've pulled. You've officially avoided the MTV curse.

10:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Snowballs? Why didn't I think of that? More importantly, why didn't my life coach think of that? He's fired. If you want the gig its yours.

10:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes fame pull this same stunt?

11:42 PM  
Blogger MickeyPsHo said...

i love your face when you open your package. its like a little kid on xmas morning. LOVE it!

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is that gigantic clock right outside your window? it's gigantic.

3:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy balls. I never would have thought you could ship snow. Bleh. Looks like something that would be the result of me accidentally leaving my freezer door open a crack overnight... hehehe... that gives me an idea. Or maybe I'll just use the ice shaver thing for snow cones. Ha... OMG I'm so gonna pelt my ex-boss. Woot!

2:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love when you mom licks my butthole!~ Feels sooooooo GooD!!!

1:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She likes when I cum in her Pie Hole... Shes such a good whore!

1:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS... Tell that skinny little ho that she cant play with my cock anymore. She keeps trying to bite my sack. Whats up wit dat??

1:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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9:46 AM  

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