STORY: Name Dropping
I was going to call this post “Famous Black People are Crazy” but it didn’t look as pretty.
Anyway, check out who I bumped into on my second night in Miami.
Yeah, you probably recognize him as Nordberg from the Naked Gun movies, but to me, he’ll always just be Juice; a man with ill-fitting gloves who decided to take action no matter the consequences and polarized a nation in the process. Nice guy too. Apparently he also played football—I don’t know, I’m not much of a sports fan.
After we took this picture, I tried to get him to take another, only this time I wanted him to choke me.
“No thanks, I’m cool man.”
“Not literally choke me, just pretend to choke me.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Really, it’ll be funny, please.”
“I think I’ve got to go.”
“What about just staging a throttling?”
The cool thing about trying to get someone to choke you for a picture is, even if they’re not into it you can just keep asking. I mean, what are they going to do, choke you?
Sadly it didn’t work. But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t fun to be had in Miami.
Among the highlights:
—Suge Knight got shot at my hotel (I was down the street trying to harass a former Hall-of-Famer into pretending to kill me for a picture).
—Christina Million thought she recognized me… as an actor she’d worked with “way back when”. I tried to convert her recognition into my Florida date, but she wasn’t going for it.
(Jim Brown. This guy played football too, but again, that’s all I know, I’m not much of a sports fan.)
—The Ying Yang Twins had the rooms on either side of mine. Yang was pretty cool in the elevator, complimenting my grill and what-not, but one of them kept quacking like a duck at 5 in the morning when I was trying to get to bed. Seriously.
—Taking shots with Jessica Simpson n’ crew was pretty cool. Er, that’s kind of an exaggeration. Truth is they were at The Bravery’s table when I bumped into Sam Endicott (an old friend… always strange when friends become famous, I’m at once curious, jealous, envious, inspired, etc.) Also, Jessica wasn’t drinking. I know what you’re thinking: So who’s Black in that crew? Oh, just the three State Troupers flanking Ms. Simpson to ensure no one took pictures. Incredibly, they were nowhere to be found when she floated past in the pool the next day, but neither was my camera.
I almost forgot though, my favorite moment of the whole weekend by far was getting to meet this basketball player…
I am almost 6’3. Crazy, right? Again though, I couldn’t tell you who he is. I’m not much of a sports guy.
Hey, check out some of the pictures I took over the weekend on my photo site:
Anyway, check out who I bumped into on my second night in Miami.
Yeah, you probably recognize him as Nordberg from the Naked Gun movies, but to me, he’ll always just be Juice; a man with ill-fitting gloves who decided to take action no matter the consequences and polarized a nation in the process. Nice guy too. Apparently he also played football—I don’t know, I’m not much of a sports fan.
After we took this picture, I tried to get him to take another, only this time I wanted him to choke me.
“No thanks, I’m cool man.”
“Not literally choke me, just pretend to choke me.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Really, it’ll be funny, please.”
“I think I’ve got to go.”
“What about just staging a throttling?”
The cool thing about trying to get someone to choke you for a picture is, even if they’re not into it you can just keep asking. I mean, what are they going to do, choke you?
Sadly it didn’t work. But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t fun to be had in Miami.
Among the highlights:
—Suge Knight got shot at my hotel (I was down the street trying to harass a former Hall-of-Famer into pretending to kill me for a picture).
—Christina Million thought she recognized me… as an actor she’d worked with “way back when”. I tried to convert her recognition into my Florida date, but she wasn’t going for it.
(Jim Brown. This guy played football too, but again, that’s all I know, I’m not much of a sports fan.)
—The Ying Yang Twins had the rooms on either side of mine. Yang was pretty cool in the elevator, complimenting my grill and what-not, but one of them kept quacking like a duck at 5 in the morning when I was trying to get to bed. Seriously.
—Taking shots with Jessica Simpson n’ crew was pretty cool. Er, that’s kind of an exaggeration. Truth is they were at The Bravery’s table when I bumped into Sam Endicott (an old friend… always strange when friends become famous, I’m at once curious, jealous, envious, inspired, etc.) Also, Jessica wasn’t drinking. I know what you’re thinking: So who’s Black in that crew? Oh, just the three State Troupers flanking Ms. Simpson to ensure no one took pictures. Incredibly, they were nowhere to be found when she floated past in the pool the next day, but neither was my camera.
I almost forgot though, my favorite moment of the whole weekend by far was getting to meet this basketball player…
I am almost 6’3. Crazy, right? Again though, I couldn’t tell you who he is. I’m not much of a sports guy.
Hey, check out some of the pictures I took over the weekend on my photo site:
HERE ARE SOME
HERE ARE SOME MORE
If I have some time today I’ll be adding more so keep an eye out. Also, keep in mind I'm still looking for 50DATESin50STATES (I'm really doing it). There's more info at the bottom of this page:
CLICK HERE
posted by Jakehimself at 7:26 AM
43 Comments:
this topic is hilarious!!!!! you are getting back into your old form. Can't wait to see some more pics!!! Who is the basketballer player??? Shaq?!?!?!?!
ABOUT THE COMMENTS SECTION:
It's getting a bit redundant and I'm not really sure it adds anything.
I mean, I get it; some people like me, some people don't (but keep reading anyway, go figure), some people like saying nasty things about my friends and some other people want to see me naked. Correct me if I'm wrong, but who cares?
That said, barring any unforeseen developments, I think this will be the last post with a comments section for a while. So haters hate, lovers love and my least favorite group of all, those posting advertisements (I don’t advertise here, why should you), do you’re worst…
I care, I care, leave the comments section open. It's fun for me. Really.
Awww...I hate the haters. Boo. But I love the Jake. As long as *you* keep posting I might be able to live without the comments section.
c'mon Jake, don't take away the comments. I'm sorry I said that thing about your mom - I was kidding. she has a very nice singing voice. won't happen again.
But we love you Jake!!! And we want to show that love with comments!!!
Damn! Do you see what happens when you all can't play nice?
You're a dumb-ass. It doesn't mean I don't love you, but it had to be said.
Them gold teef is krunk.
Keep the comments and get rid of allowing anonymous posters. Then whoever (whomever?) posts anything provocative or rude, you can just trash their blog in return.
Love the OJ pic. Very classic.
Love teeth! Where did you get those? They are very Flavor Flav! :) I love ya Jake! I wish you could get my sis!
Awe fucker, I live in Tampa but haven't checked in with you in like forever. I would've, could've and should've been you're Florida date. If you ever come back my way let me know. I'll more than make it worth your while. Trust me. If we were in a pool, alone, together, you might pee, but only cause of what I'd show you first.
-Em
That other girl pretty much showed him everything (they were skinny dipping) what more do you have in mind?
Please be as graphic as you'd like. I can't be the only one eager to know.
Keep the comments. If you don't the terrorists will have won. And no one wants that. No one.
I agree with Jake. There are only so many posts which beg for his 'golden cack' that one can withstand.
PS this post could have been about jake's trip to the sports half of fame wax museum. Seriously looks like it.
the last picture is hilarious!
Aw Jake, don't take away the comments.....how else are you going to find out who wants the gold member and who doesn't.
All kidding aside, I am going with Lebron James (sp?) for your last pic. He is all over the place lately, I could see him in Miami. Am I right?
I heard that Jake makes most of these comments up
Maybe if I say something clever you'll keep the comments open. If only I knew what that was. Black people are funny. And they smell like coco-butter. There.
Yeah, I agree about taking out the comments section. I sometimes read them because they're there, but the creepy posts make me wish I hadn't.
Love the blog -- keep it up!
Amused in NYC,
Cat
How come OJ looks like the same idiot in every picture I've ever seen of him. I hope this doesn't put me in the catagory of people who say nasty things about your friends. He's not really your friend. He's a murderer.
Looking at that pic of you and OJ makes me wonder who has the bigger dick. OOOOHHHhh!! Just thinking about you're big cock makes me soooo hot! MORE PICS!!!
jake,
don't let the jealous haters ruin the free speech for the rest of us fans who really do enjoy and get something out of your blog.
thanks for allthe funtimes on screen. that's all i'm out too...
after a minute of thought i realize that you are a jaded blogger... i guess there are stages of blogging and you've hit one of them. oh well. i guess i'm a huge geek, just proved it. maybe i should make a comment about your dick to redeem myself. ding dong, the witch is dead.
I've never commented here before, I think.
So of course, when I read in the paper that you were planning on closing your comments, I came right over to leave mine.
I love your blog. first stumbled upon it when you did that "releasing a fisf you bought story in NYC"
good stuff.
Jake do you know what a huge gay following you have. I'm sure you do. This is not a bad thing, cuz I'm gay and since the day I saw your huge shaved cock I've wanted a piece of your Jew business. Little face to face man love is always nice from someone who knows how to ram it home. You know what I'm talking about, just like that one night at the Standard when we spooned and I farted on you....
Or you could just prevent ANONYMOUS comments... that's what I did. And now... no more spam or jerk-offs.
I've only been here a few times, but I love your blog Jake!!! I'm a photographer and I really enjoy looking at your clever photos. Just wanted to throw that in while I can still comment.
Best
Danielle
"not your typical jersey girl"
Well, then if you are going to be that way, I won't leave a comment.
oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. jake bronstein!
Danielle:
The non-anonymous comments are usually as inane as the anonymous ones. Some of us anonymous "fans" just can't be bothered to set up blogspot accounts.
A few parting (I guess.) comments.
1. Damn. OJ's noggin is huge.
2. You can prevent spam comments by using Blogger's new verification tool. Unless you don't use Blogger, then I guess you can't.
3. Don't sweat the haters. You know they're just jealous. And as an artist, you can't be so thin skinned. (What a frickin hypocrite I am.)
4. Maybe you should block the anonymous posters--they seem to be the ones with nothing to fear.
5. And be glad the gays crave your bod. They are a very loyal audience.
6. Good luck and I hope you change your mind. Maybe you just want us to beg. Ok, you can call this a beg if necessary.
Do you have a small head or did those guys have big heads. Their heads looks scarey big to me. Are you really 6'3"?
Why is it being a 'hater' to ask to see Jake naked? I think it would be more of a 'hater' comment to say, "For GODS sake, don't show us any more of your naked pics." Of course I want to see you naked, but if you aren't naked, I would still read your column anyway.
I am too stupid to set up a blogger account. I already have too many passwords to remember and some of them I have to change every 30 days. I have early alzheimer so some day I will forget all my passwords. Did I mention that I have to change some of them every 30 days? Besides, I am too stupid to set up a blogger account.
I think it is important that you ignore the bad comments but in the same respect, why listen to the good things people say. That is life, you have to take the good with the bad. People who have bad things to say have an adgenda but so do the people who say nice things.
i think you should just dress your penis in different costumes and turn it into a comic.
i think you should just dress your penis in different costumes and turn it into a comic.
How about a date with a married woman who's hubby is supposedly cheating on her? No strings just revenge. Kidding. Kinda
i think you should not dress up your penis, or show your penis at all because quite frankly its vulgar. i think you hsould go bak to writing/doing random crap that dint seem like you were trying too hard to be funny--like that mugger, yeah get mugged again. i think that would be funny.
jake, I saw you on the street last night at 7th street and ave. a. did a double take and decided not to take time away from your lady friend (who looked a little bridge and tunnel, if you ask me). you're looking good, keep up the great work!
jake, EVERYBODY wants to see you naked!!
another post before yom kippor. cmon!
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