STORY: I Double-Dog Dare You

Question: Why is Jake in bed—at a bed and breakfast, no less—with his friend Neevy?

Is it:
A) Because a friend in need is a friend indeed.
B) Because I hate sleeping alone.
C) Because when the opportunity comes to visit a bed n’ breakfast, who else is a guy to bring?
D) All of the above.

If you guessed, er, um, who am I kidding; even I don’t know the answer.

All I know is this: when my good friend Jeff O’ said he’d booked me two nights at bed n’ breakfast in West Virginia, my very first thought was ‘Ever since Neevy’s accident (he was hit by a car over the winter) he’s been kind of down (admittedly, you would be too if at 27 you had to use a cane), maybe I should bring him…’

Yup, so while Neevy hung out around the homestead, I took pictures of myself in corn-fields and visited such local attractions as “The Big Arm.”



It wasn’t until a few days later, when Jeff called asking how my “romantic vacation” was that I realized the error of my ways.

So why didn’t I take a women? There just wasn’t a woman to take.

All of which got me thinking… maybe it’s time I got back out there on the dating scene. Actually, that sounds old. Corny and old. If I’m going to do this thing, lets turn it up a notch. There’s been more that one post lately in comments section where someone I’ve never met says they want to get married. Are you willing to put your money where your mouth is? I dare you.

Lucky for me, I live a block away from the down-town diamond district…


I’ve got the goods.

Yup, I’m taking the initiative, now it’s your turn.

Anyone want to get married? All you’ve got to do is send two pictures to illmarrysomeguyfromtheinternet@gmail.com along with a brief description of yourself, a convincing argument for why you’re the one and a phone number and… well, who knows.

Really, think I’m joking? I reserve the right to forget I ever said it—like the time I solicited internships and hardly got a single legitimate offer—but for the time being, I think I’m being serious. Location unimportant.

Pique my interest and the honeymoon’s on me.